Do you ever have one of those days you want to stay in bed all day? That you just wish you could sneak a way from the world?
Today I felt that way. I could have laid in my bed and cried all day today. Big, fat, ugly tears. It is a Monday after all.
The doctor's called me today to let me know my kidneys levels were continuing to rise and they needed me to go see a different specialist. Of course I immediately think the worst. Why do I do this? I am such a worry wart. I think that is what I am looking older than my age. I seriously stress over things before I even know if I should stress.
Today any of us could take our last breath. Have we told everyone that we love them. Have we done everything we wanted too. In my case I know I haven't. I wonder if being a mom makes me think of these things. What if something happened and I couldn't be there when my little girl needed me. Would I know? No. I wouldn't but she would.
I need to put everything in the Lord's hands. I need to quit stressing and enjoy today. Today, I watched Josh and Sprout cuddle on the couch and watch ESPN. I heard my daughter's laughter and I spent time playing and reading with her. I talked to my grandmother who is sick with pneumonia and hasn't been feeling well. I realize that among all the bad things happening in life there are some wonderful things happening.
Everyday we hear horrible crimes of what has happened around us and once in a blue moon the news will share something positive. Those are the things I want to hear. That when our country is fighting and nothing is going right, love is still occurring. Love will conquer all things.
Today, we should focus on something good that hashappened.
As you all know I was that girl, the one who married when I was barely 20 to the wrong kind of guy. Fast forward and it didn't work out. Looking back now, I know that relationship was toxic but I have learned some very important things about relationships and life in general.
Communication is key in a good relationship! That is right, you must talk to each other. I can't read minds and neither can my fiancée and sometimes I get all hussy and fussy because I think he will automatically know what I am thinking. No, he doesn't have a special view into my mind that says " Hey get this girl some chocolate." I have learned that if I want something I need to actually speak up and ask for it. Too bad things can't magically appear!
So this is my list!
1. Your significant other cannot read your mind!
2. Avoid Humility and judgmental conversations.
Have you ever looked at your significant other and said " You are doing it wrong", " You are so selfish", " You have ruined my life." If you have trust me you are not the only one, I use to say these things all the time. It only calls for them to curse you, call you bad names, and for the argument to get more heated than it should be. Instead try something like " When you don't show me affection, it makes me feel lonely." Bring yourself into the conversation and explain how you are feeling. Do not attack or belittle the other person.
3. Listen without interrupting.
This is huge for me because so often I feel the need to blurt out whatever I am thinking. Sometimes, our spouses and significant others simply need to vent. They don't need our advice and nagging all of the time they simply want to talk with out interruption. This means waiting to check facebook, turning the television off and really listen to them.
4. Don't bring up things that happened forever ago.
Another thing I am guilty of. I will bring up what Josh said that made me mad last year. Simply just to prove a point or to start a argument. Seriously like the song says " Let it go." It is done and over with, why must we bring it up and rub it in their faces over and over again. Once you have gotten over it, leave it in the past where it belongs.
5. Watch your tone.
When you are talking to someone and talk with an attitude the person on the other end of the conversation is going to get defensive. If you sound depressed, or mad, chances are the person you are speaking with is going to take it as that is how you are feeling.
6. Before you scream, take a moment.
Sometimes, I simply have to excuse myself. I can feel my blood starting to boil and I know if I stand there for one more second something is going to escape my mouth that I will regret. Explain to your partner you need a second to pull it together. Maybe, for you this means listening to music, breathing deeply, saying a prayer or hopping in the shower. When you have calmed down you can go and have a conversation with your partner with out screaming your head off.
There are so many other tips you can use to communicate effectively with your spouse but these are just a few that I personally like and have learned. Communication is very important in a relationship without, what would your relationship be? Make sure you treasure your relationship.
Here is to hoping everyone has a blessed week
My dearest Sprout,
It seems like just yesterday we were bringing you in to this world. You are our miracle. A blessing from God. Arriving at the hospital on August 12th, 2014 with the worst headache of my life and leaving on the 16th with you. Once, we arrived at the hospital we found out that I had developed preeclampsia. I was scared beyond belief. The doctors told me that they needed to induce me. They tried, everything that they could to get me to dilate, even resorting to a foley bulb. I never got passed 1 centimeter but my blood pressure went through the roof. I was drifting off in to lala land. Your heart rate was dropping extremely low. Soon the doctors were rushing in to break my water and rush me in to an emergency C-section. Your daddy has this feeling from the beginning that I would need a C-section but I wanted to try and have you vaginally. I did receive an epidural and I also got a shot when we discovered I had group b strep.
In the delivery room, your daddy was beside me but I didn't know it until the end. They had me on a magnesium drip and I had such a hard time with that. Soon, I heard you cry and the doctors called you a "Little Diva", your daddy was taking pictures. I didn't get to see you at first but daddy did show me a picture of you. I was so excited. Afterwards we were wheeled out, we went passed your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and great-grandma. I held you on this journey. Soon we had to depart as mommy had to go to recovery and you went to the nicu because you couldn't keep your temperature up. I was in recovery for what seemed like forever. I was so hungry and I could barely talk.
Eventually, we both got to the room. I needed help holding you at first because the magnesium still had me in a mind fog. You were and still are the most beautiful child I have ever seen. I was so eager to breast-feed you. I wanted to provide for you, we had trouble at first getting you to latch on and your sugar dropped so you had to have a supplemental bottle. The lactation nurse worked with us and soon we both knew what to do. Your daddy did a great job taking care of both of us at this time. You had so many visitors and everyone wanted to see our little five pound four ounce bundle of joy.
Before we knew it you were at home we had many sleepless nights and you had your days and nights mixed up. We both cried together. I was so nervous, I didn't want to drop you or hurt you and I didn't want you out of my sight. All of the things I said I wouldn't do before you were born went out the window. At first you sleep in your rock n play and before we knew it the only way either of us could sleep was by you co-sleeping. Mommy was very careful with this.
Fast forward and now you are a year old! You still share the bed with me and you are still breast-feeding. You know how to light up a room and you love attention. You are very mischievous and when you are mad you let the whole world know. You love to say "Hey Baby." You have 3 babies you have to sleep with every night Mickey, Blue and Chica. Every stuffed animal you see you call baby though. You love other children and when you get excited you start to shake.
Sprout, you have taught me so much. You have taught me about a love I never knew existed. You have taught me patience, and sacrifice and I would do anything in the whole world for you. I pray daily, multiple times for you and for your future. I pray for your future spouse and I pray God shows me how I can be the best possible mom to you. I want to teach you so many things and I want to see you learn about life and experience fun adventures. I pray when you are grown that we are still close. I pray you will call me up just to talk about your day, that we can go out for coffee and that you will trust me enough to let me in on your life. Everyday, even when I think it's not possible my love for you grows. I will do my best to protect you from this scary world and when I can't I will be there holding your hand and talking you through it. I prayed for you many years and I never thought I would get the chance to be a mother but God had different plans for me. When I found out I was pregnant with you I learned to be thankful for unanswered prayers and to know that God's timing is perfect.
My sweet child, whatever the future holds for you and us as a family know that your daddy and I will always be there along with a few other people that genuinely care for you.
All my love,
Megan, a stay home mom who wants to try new products and let you know what I think of them!