Have you ever hurt so bad it seemed that never could take the pain away? I have and trust me I still do. The girl in the picture above that was me 8 years ago. I was just a kid. I was 18 and had my whole life ahead of me. I could make everyone laugh, I could make a stranger smile and I wasn't afraid to be loud and stand up for what I believed in.
However, behind closed doors. I was numb. I had been left. No one could understand my pain. I had been forced to do sexual things I didn't want to. I had been around too many people that had done drugs and drank alcohol. I had been let down by the people that were never suppose to hurt you. I was broken. Not just from a broken home. I was broken. All the emo songs in the world could have been written for me.
Around the age of 13 I began to cut. I cut my wrists and my legs and it was a dumb choice. I just wanted something I could control. I wanted to be the one who inflicted pain upon myself because if I did, no one else could. It didn't work that way. My heart still got broken. The pain continued. I had friends that did this, so maybe it was cool. Hurting yourself is not cool. There are many other things you can control. This can become habit forming and so it did for me. I never was the kind who did it because I wanted to end my life but just to feel the sting. I continued up until a few years ago. Do I think about it? Yes, I do. I am tired of the pain that I always feel. I spent time with counselors and was put on depression medicine. It felt like no one could ever be in my shoes. No one could feel my pain.
I am no longer that outgoing girl. I no longer have friends, besides the ones that live in the computer. No one ever seemed to really want to be there long term and no one ever asked how I was. I do know that when I am feeling lonely and broke now that God is there. He hears my prayers. Every single one of them. Some of them go unanswered. Trust me, sometimes those are the best. If you are ever thinking about hurting yourself. I beg you not to. It is not worth the scars. The emotional ones and the physical ones. There are places that can help. Check out the website http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ and call them if you need to. My favorite verse of the Bible Philippians 4:13 says " I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."
Don't give up. God has plans for you. Even when it seems like there isn't a way. Keep praying. Reach out to someone. Message me if you need to. I am here. I will pray. You are worth it. Words hurt and we will have pain but good things will come as well. You never know when someone will need you. Someone is watching you and wants to be in your shoes. So don't give up. Keep striving.
Have a blessed week.
Megan, a stay home mom who wants to try new products and let you know what I think of them!