When I had my daughter, I was overwhelmed! I had no idea how to take care of a little baby. I read all the books, watched videos. I had watched loads of kids before in my life but never had to take care of one all the time. I was terrified. I didn't want to mess up. This is a real persons life and I am responsible for her. Surely they were not just going to let me walk out of the hospital with her.
We went home and my fiancée got to stay home the first night with us but after that he had to go back to work. I can do this I thought. Sprout was a night owl. The first night, I think we stayed up all night between crying, feedings and diaper changes I was exhausted. Soon the days were turning in to weeks. Weeks were turning into months and finally I was sleeping some. Still nothing like I should be. Every time I went to eat Sprout would cry. My stomach was growling but I knew she needed me so I fed her, played with her and finally I ate.
A few months after she was born we found out I had depression, not sure if it was post-partum or just depression in general. I felt like I had no one that could relate to what I was going on. I had my sister to talk to but I didn't want to bother her much as she was working and going to school. I was tired. I was scared what if I wasn't paying attention to the baby? What if she started crying? Thankfully Josh and I got through this and I would do it a billion times but what I really needed was a friend. Someone to come over and see me, get me out of the house. I needed someone to tell me I was doing a good job. That I was doing exactly what Raelynn needed me to do. Someone other than her Dad.
Here it is 10 months later and I still haven't driven alone with Raelynn. I am so scared, people around me aren't cautious and we were in a bump up once on the way to her doctors office and I lost it. I cried. I think I am scared she will start crying and screaming and I won't be able to comfort her. People have said I have spoiled her but I think of it more as being attached.
Before having kids I use to see women in the stores with their children and their kids would be screaming at the top of their lungs. I would think " Geez, control your children lady!" Now I know better. Kids are going to cry, they don't always listen to us, they will throw food, they will try to push you away. That Mom really needed to hear that she was doing a good job. We are too busy judging others about the way they diaper or feed or if they are pro or anti vaccinations. We don't stop and listen to them. We think we know it all and we do know what is best for our child. But their kid is different. They may want to be worn in a carrier instead of riding in the cart. They may be allergic to disposable diapers or cloth diapering maybe something the mother never considered. We are all different but we are all doing the same thing. We are trying to be the best Mom's that we can to our children. The future! We want to teach them the best we can, we want to share valuable lessons with them and let them know that they are loved.
We need to come together as Moms. Stop looking down on each other. This isn't a popularity contest, this is real life. You are doing a beautiful job. We may not always have the support that we need but when we look into the eyes of our children we know that we can't give up! That we won't. If you ever need any support, feel free to email me. I won't have all the answers but I can be there to listen.
Have a blessed evening.
Megan, a stay home mom who wants to try new products and let you know what I think of them!