Today, I went to Walmart with my mom, grandfather and of course Sprout. We walked around a bit looking for some food ideas for Sprout's upcoming first birthday. When checking out I realized, I need to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy. My mom finished checking out while Papa, Sprout and I walked over to the pharmacy.
Papa wanted to hold Raelynn so I let him and went to the window and gave them all of my information. Papa decided he and Sprout were going to walk around. She was rubbing her eyes and fussing. I knew she was exhausted. The pharmacy messed up the directions on my medicine and asked me to wait while they fixed it. Papa was walking with Sprout and they got out of my eye sight. My palms started getting sweating and my heart started beating so fast, it felt like it was going to pop through my chest. I started pacing the floor right there in front of the pharmacy. It seemed as if they were never going to call my name. Finally they did. As I was paying for my medicine my mom came around with Sprout. I finally felt like I could breath again.
My Papa is a wonderful grandfather and I trust him with Sprout. Why the panic? I'm not sure but I bet it has to do with the fact that she is always with me pretty much 24/7. Wherever, I am she is usually following me or I am carrying her around. Maybe, it is because she is my first and only baby. I suppose you could call me overprotective and if we had to label it you could call me a helicopter mom. I don't want to miss out on anything with her. I want her to know that I am always there for her.
One day she is going to have to go off on her own. She will go spend the night with a friend, or at her aunt's house. She will want to go over to her cousin's house to play. I suppose one day I will get to that point where my palms do not sweat but for now I will be that mom. The mom that doesn't even nap unless my child is, even if her dad offers to let me. I am exhausted but I admit my name is Megan and I have Separation Anxiety.
This summer has been hot. You step outside and your clothes stick to you. The dog barks because he wants to come right in after you have let him outside. When summer approaches many of us find that we are going on road trips, to cookouts, or to the pool.
While we are off on our adventures. People are leaving their children, babies and dogs in the car. They think they can run into Target for a moment to find some sandals or pick up some diapers. Their child is sleeping and they don't want to wake them up and deal with the screaming and the tantrums. They just want a moment of quiet. However, their child is sweating profusely. Their child is screaming and crying in agony.
The few moments you thought it would take in Target have turned in to thirty minutes or more. You ran into a friend, or saw a cute dress that you had to try on. You were stalking the clearance mark downs and you wait in line. You know they only have a few registers open and that checking out usually takes a bit. You have forgotten that you even brought your child.
You walk outside a stranger and the paramedics are trying to save your sweet little girl that you leave in the car because you were being selfish. Your little girl looks lifeless and you being to panic. How could you have done this. What if something happens? What if the last thing you told your child was "Be good, you are driving me crazy"? What if you will never get to hold your child and give them a hug. Was it worth you getting alone time, in the nice air conditioning?
You were lucky this time. Your child lived but she is being kept in the hospital. All you get is a slap on the wrist for negligence. Your child however, suffered. Shouldn't this make your heart cringe. You could have never seen her again. Next time will you think, will you take your child with you?
Never leave your child alone in the car, especially with it being summer and the temperatures are soaring. It is hot! If you don't believe me you sit in the parking lot on a sunny day with no a.c, with the windows up for thirty or forty minutes. Don't make excuses, your child is important. If you need time alone, get a babysitter. Find someone that can watch your child for a bit. If you are worried about your child screaming it is okay. We have all been through it. Be safe. Tell your child you love them as much as you can because we are never promised tomorrow.
Have you ever hurt so bad it seemed that never could take the pain away? I have and trust me I still do. The girl in the picture above that was me 8 years ago. I was just a kid. I was 18 and had my whole life ahead of me. I could make everyone laugh, I could make a stranger smile and I wasn't afraid to be loud and stand up for what I believed in.
However, behind closed doors. I was numb. I had been left. No one could understand my pain. I had been forced to do sexual things I didn't want to. I had been around too many people that had done drugs and drank alcohol. I had been let down by the people that were never suppose to hurt you. I was broken. Not just from a broken home. I was broken. All the emo songs in the world could have been written for me.
Around the age of 13 I began to cut. I cut my wrists and my legs and it was a dumb choice. I just wanted something I could control. I wanted to be the one who inflicted pain upon myself because if I did, no one else could. It didn't work that way. My heart still got broken. The pain continued. I had friends that did this, so maybe it was cool. Hurting yourself is not cool. There are many other things you can control. This can become habit forming and so it did for me. I never was the kind who did it because I wanted to end my life but just to feel the sting. I continued up until a few years ago. Do I think about it? Yes, I do. I am tired of the pain that I always feel. I spent time with counselors and was put on depression medicine. It felt like no one could ever be in my shoes. No one could feel my pain.
I am no longer that outgoing girl. I no longer have friends, besides the ones that live in the computer. No one ever seemed to really want to be there long term and no one ever asked how I was. I do know that when I am feeling lonely and broke now that God is there. He hears my prayers. Every single one of them. Some of them go unanswered. Trust me, sometimes those are the best. If you are ever thinking about hurting yourself. I beg you not to. It is not worth the scars. The emotional ones and the physical ones. There are places that can help. Check out the website http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ and call them if you need to. My favorite verse of the Bible Philippians 4:13 says " I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."
Don't give up. God has plans for you. Even when it seems like there isn't a way. Keep praying. Reach out to someone. Message me if you need to. I am here. I will pray. You are worth it. Words hurt and we will have pain but good things will come as well. You never know when someone will need you. Someone is watching you and wants to be in your shoes. So don't give up. Keep striving.
Have a blessed week.
Life is unfair. How many times have we been told that before. It is true but you know what it is what it is. We learn from our mistakes and from the mistakes of those around us and we need to move on. My mom, whom I love dearly was in and of my life a lot when I was a child. I grew up with major trust problems.
I grew up the child of an alcoholic and an addict. I grew up trying to parent my parent. It hurt. I cried a lot and to this day I still do. I wanted to have that family where my mom or parent came and took you out to do something fun. My mom has taken me to do fun things in my life and I am thankful for her because there are so many people who do not have a mother in their life.
I am telling you this because I have learned from it. I think it why I am super attached to my daughter. I want her to know that I will never leave her. I want her to know that she is my priority and that I would sacrifice anything for her needs. I want to be that mom that cries with her when some boy breaks her heart because I know how awful it feels. I want to eat ice cream out of the container and watch a movie just to cheer her up. I want to be silly and loud and embarrass her. I want her to know she can count on me. I will be at her dance recitals or softball games or her dress rehearsal for the play she is in. I will learn how to do make-up and I will figure out how to do her hair in different styles. I want her to feel like she can come to me for anything. I want to learn along side of her. She has taught me so much and I know there is so much more I will learn from her.
I have pushed people away, gave up on my dreams and forgotten who I wanted to be. This has happened because I was scared. All I have ever wanted was to be accepted. I never was the girl with the coolest clothes. I had no idea you were actually supposed to have a skin routine. My sister taught me how to do my make-up but some lady that wasn't in my family taught me how to shave my legs in the fourth grade.
This isn't how I want me daughter to have to learn things, I want to show her how to shave her legs when she is ready. I want her to understand that cool clothes may be the in thing but there is much more than outward appearance. I want to help her pick out her first prom dress. A mother and daughter bond is a real thing. I see so many people out there that have that bond. My mother and I are closer now. She is trying to be apart of my life and we speak everyday. She has come along way from where she was, but I embrace the fact that my dad raised me. That so many people had a part in showing and teaching me things. I am so lucky compared to so many. However, I refuse to fail my daughter. I will be there standing tall and smiling for her, and I will be proud of her. I know we will have differences all families do but at the end of the day, I will be there.
Megan, a stay home mom who wants to try new products and let you know what I think of them!